It's called commitment

AndI haven't blogged in quite sometime . . . Can't really pinpoint one particular reason.  I've posted pictures, written several captions and tried to give friends a few smiles even when I'm not smiling myself.   Today we've been married 34 years and to say it's all been bliss wouldn't be accurate.  We all walk down that isle thinking no love is like ours and this will see us through any storm.  And then life kicks in.   I remember us  going through the usual pre wedding  counseling with my preacher and he said something to us that sounded odd at the time.  He said  I wish I could tell you this love I see between the two of you will be all you will ever need.  It will withstand the test of time . .  It will never waiver. But I can't.  There will be times you'll  ask yourself.. WHO IS THIS PERSON.... WHAT WAS I THINKING?????  I QUIT!    He then said. the word . . COMMITTMENT .  That is the key .  You committed yourselves to one another in front of God and witnesses and that's what's gonna sustain you when you can't feel the love. . It sounded silly to me  cause we were both so GOO GOO EYED!  Let me tell you friends... I've repeated that to many people over the years, and most importantly to myself. Do I love Pat?  Of course I do but no better advice was ever given to me.  Pat is slowly declining and days can drag on and on.  I try to keep us busy but it's getting easier to just stay home.  Every time we leave the house... It takes an act of congress to even get packed and out the door.  I know his disease is fatal and I know we aren't going to have many more if any more anniversaries.  He isn't aware that today is our special day ( no matter how many times I've told him) ... But I do.  This week I've seen a decline which seems to be the case lately.  He isn't able to communicate his needs clearly and it is frustrating to say the least. He needs constant supervision and help with all his basic needs.  He's tired more than unusual but gets some excercise cause he follows me everywhere I go.  He's still mobile indeed.  Am I a saint... Absolutely NOT! I get tired, I get aggravated... I get resentful! But I'm committed to this man that I LOVE ( at least at this moment;) and I try to remember where we started.  How it all started... And the 34 years of our life together.  Neither one of us have been perfect.. But we've had a beautiful life together.  And I thankful we stuck it out. I'd do it all again. We  feel your love and your prayers. THANK YOU